Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
