marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
