forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
