I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
