New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
