Where is the hickey?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
