dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just had sex on a roof
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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