You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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