I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
