i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He shit in the fireplace
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
