Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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