just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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