Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
