Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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