What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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