There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
