maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize