Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
