I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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