He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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