If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
