Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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