just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
