The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
The uberlube is also flammable
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
