yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
