I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize