They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Just invented taco cereal.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
