you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
how does that bad decision feel?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
His nipple licking is glorious
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