did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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