Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
