Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
