Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
