mondays should just be called national damage control day
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
