I want to stick my p in your. b.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
