So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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