honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
