kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
3 2 1 whiskey
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
