I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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