Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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