clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
