Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
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Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
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It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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