It's like God shit irony all over that family
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
