8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Just high enough for therapy.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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