why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
