All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
