You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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