I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
