Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
