At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
If I die, sorry about rent.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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