Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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