Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
it's like iHOP with fire
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
