checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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