what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I love you. Go after that dick
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
