Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
