I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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