You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
