It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
