I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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