I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
