Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
